There are some things in life that no matter how often you do them, they never gets easier.

For example, cutting an onion. You might work out the best way to do it, ie a very sharp knife, but even then there’s a 90% chance a weird watery substance will leak from my eyes every.single.time. Only yesterday my friend said ‘No, I won’t cut onions.’ If a task doesn’t get any easier,  we avoid it.

Today I had to do another such task, resign. I’ve now resigned from four jobs and each time it’s awful. It doesn’t get any easier. I barely slept last night, I was jittery until the meeting I scheduled with my boss and I rehearsed the conversation more times than I care to say. I also planned for every scenario including the one where my boss said yelled totally unreasonable comments.  Now my boss is the most lovely woman and would never say such a thing, but doing something terrifying makes you think crazy things. I knew how she’d respond – and she did as I suspected – but still it was awful.

I will happily talk (read: make a fool of myself) in front of a crowd or star in a video going out to thousands, but disappoint someone I respect. Fear. But unfortunately resigning is an inevitable task when you accept a new job. And there will be disappointment.

Today I disappointed my boss, manager, immediate team, and soon my network of stakeholders. I respect each of them and I’ve built great relationships working for the university. To announce I was leaving them hurt. It hurt as I saw their tears well in their eyes, as they congratulated me with a deep sadness on their face, as they swore in shock and walked out, as they made the jovial remark about not needing to remember my name anymore. It’s fair to say they were not expecting the news.

I know my fear and anxiety comes from withdrawing from a commitment – something I hold as a top priority. If I make a commitment to someone, something or some team, I follow it through. Resigning is me saying I no longer uphold that commitment. I’m disappointed in myself, yet still excited about the next adventure.

I sharing all of this? We all have to withdraw from commitments at different stages of life, but it’s worth noting now it’s always hard. By biggest tips? Be real, be honest and google ‘how to resign.’ Great advice there.

What’s the next adventure? I’m moving to Brisbane, baby!